Anxiety: Just Follow the Steps
A tingling in your hands, a knot in your belly, a sudden break out in hives, sweating, trembling or shaking. All these and more are anxiety symptoms we have all felt on one level or another, differing in intensity, at some point in our lives. When life is uncertain, we are faced with anxiety which can sometimes be overwhelming. As a people, we are often comfortable when we feel we’re harnessing the reins of our lives. When we feel we have the command and control its easy to feel grounded. However, do we have the control we imagine ourselves to have? I can only imagine that the same anxiety will set in trying to remain in control. It gives me a picture of someone who’s always moving around in a heightened state, unsettled, jumpy, just so things can go according to how they want them to.
Let us imagine then, that things have been moving smoothly and we feel in ‘control’ and somewhat grounded, what happens then when the grounding feels like it’s being pulled from under our feet? What happens then when the reality sinks in that we don’t have that much control after all? What happens then when we’re waiting for those test results from the doctor? The examinations and the examinations marks? Waiting for that interview and if we got the job? The list is endless. When change happens, which it will, the fear of the unknown sets in, causing us to be in a state of anxiety. It’s interesting how quickly we imagine the worst-case scenario. Well, at least for me, it’s where my mind goes to first. The American Psychological Association defines anxiety as “an emotion characterised by feelings of tension, worried thoughts and physical changes like increased blood pressure.”. In her book Atlas of the Heart, Brene Brown describes what anxiety looks and feels like for her. She describes a frightening scene from a Willy Wonka movie where a boat ride is getting out of control and likens this to what anxiety feels like for her. Escalating loss of control, worst case scenario thinking and imagery, and total uncertainty. Sounds familiar?
As I write this, I am aware of the state of anxiety I’ve been in for the past couple of days brought upon by uncertainties. I find myself asking how I will move forward and/or if there is another road I can take. Will my children be alright and safe if I take this road and not that one? Will I reach my growth goals if I choose this and not that? I’ve had to reach out to a friend for support as my own boat was being rocked but not yet out of control. I am grateful to have these sources of support. This brings me to a few points on how to cope or manage when feeling anxious.
Regaining control by letting it go:
1. Ask for help and support: Reach out to someone you can trust, a friend or a family member. Visit a mental health professional who can assist with tools to cope.
2. Focus on what you can control rather than what you cannot: Practice gratitude for what you have and being present in the here and now. This can help with shifting the focus from the negative to the positive. Realise the present moment is all you have and make the most of it.
A couple of quotes from the book The power of now by Eckhart Tolle to practice being present read:
“The power of now can only be realised now. It requires no time and effort. Effort means you are trying hard to get somewhere and so you are not present.”
“The only thing that is ultimately real about your journey is the step that you are taking at this moment. That is all there ever is.”
Setting a helpful pace:
1. Slow down and take it step by step: The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique will help with slowing down and relaxation but engaging your 5 senses. This technique engages senses to help you ‘stay calm-stay safe -stay present.’ It can help with grounding yourself, become more aware of your surroundings, and put things into perspective.
2. 5 (five) –
List 5 things you can see.
4 (four) – list 4 things you can feel.
3 (three)-list 3 things you can hear.
2 (two)- list 2 things you can smell
1 (one)-list one thing you can taste.
3. Breathing: Focus on deep breathing and the way your body feels as you inhale and exhale with progressive muscle relaxation.
4. Physical exercise: exercise can help with anxiety because it can help divert the focus on anxious thoughts. It can also increase the level of feel-good chemicals in the body and decrease muscle tension.
5. Challenge your thoughts: try to interrupt negative thoughts with positive ones. Identify the negative thought patterns and interrupt them when they make an appearance. Talk to yourself as you would to someone you love. Chances are, the words will be kind, thoughtful, empathetic etc
Just Follow the Steps:
I will end with a little story of my own when I learned, for the umpteenth time, to slow down and follow the steps to tackle the task that was in front of me.
Sometime in mid-July, my daughter was helping me assemble wardrobes that I’d bought for her and her brother. A task! In all honesty, I should say, it turned out I was helping her with this task because she proved to handle it better than me. As her mother, I was amazed and proud at the attention she paid to the details of how to assemble these two stressors. If you have ever had to assemble any piece of furniture, you know what stress is.
These things come with instructions. Step by step picture instructions and written instructions. My brain could not comprehend what was going on in those pictures. I took one look and a second look and felt dizzy and immediately wanted to give up. My brain was overwhelmed because I tried to take it all in at once. I kept trying to skip the steps to get to the final product but that wasn’t going to work. My daughter on the other hand, took her time to study these pictures and comprehend the steps. Once she was ready, she said, “OK now let’s find the piece for step one”. I looked at the image in step one and it didn’t make sense.
I said to her, “why can’t we just put this here and that there?” She said, “mum, let’s follow the steps.” Begrudgingly, I followed her lead but still tried to pick a piece for step 3 or 5 so this task could be over. At this point, I realised this wasn’t my forte but my future architect’s forte, I slightly took a step back. I then quietly assisted her to put the step 1 piece together. That piece did not look right to me, and I voiced my concerns. She asked me to read out what the next step was, and I jumped to step 4. She said, “mum, I am on step two. What are you doing on step four? Let’s just follow the steps please.” At this point, I completely surrendered. We followed the steps, rather, I followed the steps, and we assembled the first wardrobe with success. No matter how tedious I felt this was, we got over the task with much less stress. When we got to the second one, we didn’t spend as much time because we were now both familiar with the steps.
We often desire for things to get to step ten with immediacy and this causes us to become overwhelmed and feel anxious. Following the steps requires patience and that means we must wait, slow down, the proceed. Patience is a quality and skill that many, in today’s world, do not know how to exercise but that is not the point of this writing.
Now, let’s talk anxiety. Everyone experiences anxiety of some level or other. Life as we experience it, is not linear and can change in the blink of an eye. Disruptions to our daily routine can set our brains on a wild imagination ride. Often having our imaginations working against us. If the task requires, take it slow and follow the steps.
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Author: Tariro Mutemararo
PSYCHOTHERAPIST | COUNSELLOR
